10 Tips Guaranteed To Improve Your Communication Skills

How good are your communication skills? Most people think that they’re pretty good communicators. Truth is, even those who are relatively good communicators have room for improvement. Good communication helps create better relationships, builds trust and confidence, decreases the likelihood of conflict and resentment, and is simply more efficient. The good news is that effective communication is a skill that can be learned and, even, mastered! Start with these tips.

1. Talk less. Listen more. Practice active listening. Active listening is fully concentrating on what’s being said (instead of planning your response). Listen believing that the speaker has something valuable to share. Listen to understand. Avoid the temptation to interrupt even when you have something brilliant to add! Author David Brooks states of listening, “when another person is talking, you want to be listening so actively that you’re practically burning calories.” He calls this “loud listening.”

2. Be concise and precise. People zone out if you’re too verbose and you, too, can go off on tangents and lose your train of thought. Concision is the ability to express your ideas in as few words as possible. It shows respect for the listeners time. It decreases the likelihood of confusing or boring the listener. Avoid unnecessary and “overly flowery” language which can distract from your message. While repetition and details have their place, use it sparingly and intentionally.

3. Use reflecting (also called mirroring or looping). Be an engaged listener by reflecting. Reflecting is simply paraphrasing what someone said to ensure you’ve understood the message. People aren’t as clear as they think they are and we aren’t as good at listening as we think we are. Reflecting shows interest and lessens misunderstanding. Reflecting sounds like, “What I hear you saying is [XYZ]. Is that correct?”

4. Consider timing. Save difficult conversations for the right time, place, and emotional state. If you’re feeling cranky because you didn’t sleep well the night before, that’s not the time to talk to your husband about an issue you have with his mother. Nor should that conversation happen in the Starbuck’s line. Scheduling difficult discussions smartly will lead to better outcomes.

5. Take a pause. Embrace silence. Pausing creates time to process information. Asking for a pause, “I need some time to thinking about this. Can we come back to this tomorrow,” buys you time to emotionally regulate and respond in a helpful manner.

6. Encourage questions. Ask for feedback. Some people don’t feel confident asking questions or even know what to ask. Welcome questions or make it easy for them with prompts such as, “I know that was a lot. What can I clarify for you?”

7. Answer questions directly and honestly. When asked a question, provide a direct response. If you don’t know the answer, be candid. Often when we don’t have an answer, we provide some round-about response that isn’t helpful rather than being honest and saying we don’t know. Instead practice saying, “I don’t know” or “I’ll find out and get back to you.”

8. Don’t mindread. You’re not a psychic. Making assumptions will lead to problems, disagreements, and resentments. Not sure? Just ask for clarification.

9. Be assertive. Sometimes it’s anxiety provoking to be direct, but passive (or aggressive) communication can be damaging to relationships and is ineffective. Use “I” statements and be forthcoming without being hurtful.

10. Be aware of non-verbal communication. How you say it is just important as what you say. Your tone and body language are powerful and, even without words, can send a message.

Great communication skills take practice and continual development. Stick with it and you’ll definitely experience the benefits of your improved communication.

Author: Dr. Beverly J. Pedroche