The Art of The Self-Care Mindset

As a psychologist, I frequently encounter patients experiencing burnout, depression, anxiety, fractured relationships, and exhaustion due, in great part, to their lack of understanding of self-care. What exactly is self-care, you ask. It seems like something that takes a lot of time and/or cost a lot of money…neither of which you’re ready to part with, correct? Well, I have good news! Self-care isn’t about time or money.

Self-care has become a bit of a buzzword, often used to influence us to splurge on spa days and lavender-scented bubble bath (though let’s be honest, those sure are nice). These activities feel good but only provide temporary relief. After all, we have to leave the tub eventually. What I’m encouraging you to consider is a more sustainable solution, a self-care mindset.

Often when we’re feeling distressed and depleted (you know, that feeling when you’re one slow wi-fi connection from your breaking point), it’s the result of lousy thoughts, relationships, decisions, or actions. A self-care mindset guides us to nurture ourselves by prioritizing health, happiness, and peace in our thoughts, relationships, decisions, and actions. It’s an internal process that is rooted in self-compassion and personal growth

A self-care mindset has two parts – a reflection and a response. First, a self-care mindset guides you to ask yourself (to reflect), is this thought, relationship, decision or action contributing to or contaminating my health, happiness and peace? If the answer is the later, contaminating, a self-care mindset then prompts you to do something differently. It requires an action (a response) on your part – correct damaging thoughts, address unhealthy relationships, make wiser decisions, and/or change harmful behaviors.

Let’s say your thought is, “I ate two pieces of cake. I’m disgusting and a failure.” That thought can lead to feelings of shame, self-loathing, insecurity, and depression. The self-care mindset reflects, “These thoughts are contaminating my health, happiness and peace. What can I think or do, instead, that promotes my health, happiness and peace?” The self-care mindset response may be to replace those unkind thoughts with more gentle thoughts like, “I enjoyed the cake and I’m happy I could celebrate my sister’s birthday with her.”

If you’re dreading every phone call from your friend, Jane, because she’s always asking for favors, and you’re exhausted, the self-care mindset reflects, “What can I do to improve this relationship? Is there any action within my control that promotes my health, happiness and peace?” The self-care mindset response may be boundary-setting or an honest, assertive conversation with Jane.

With a self-care mindset, you’ll shine like the star you are by prioritizing your wellbeing in a society that normalizes surviving on iced-coffees and sheer willpower. Embracing this mindset is like learning a new language. It takes practice and consistency, but you’re worth it! And remember, when you take care of yourself, you inspire others to do the same.

Author: Dr. Beverly Pedroche